EXTENDING FORGIVENESS—THE IMPORTANCE OF LOOKING UP

Last week I wrote a post about the power of apology. Today, with a nod to those on the receiving end of apologies, I’m going to write about the importance of extending forgiveness. While my comments concern a religious statue, I’m writing about a subject relevant to careers, interpersonal relations, and…just plain Life.

This week, while at the PRSA National Conference in Anaheim, CA, my husband George Scheff and I briefly visited the beautiful Christ Cathedral (formerly the Crystal Cathedral) in Garden Grove. On the grounds of the cathedral stands a statue of the returning Prodigal Son (see photo), throwing himself at his father’s feet and begging forgiveness.

The statue, created by female sculptor Delesprie, is breathtaking in its entirety. But what drew me to it was the expression on the father’s face—and the lessons it teaches us about extending forgiveness to those we work with, those we love, and sometimes even those whom we may hardly know.

The Prodigal Son’s father, grasping his son’s shoulders as the son clings to his father’s neck, isn’t looking DOWN at his son in contempt, disapproval or “I-told-you-so” mode.

He isn’t look BACK in remembrance of the wrongs he suffered.

And he isn’t looking AROUND to see if anyone else is watching or what they might think. (“What?? You’re going to let that kid back in the house after all the shenanigans he’s pulled?”)

Instead, he is looking…UP.

--Up, with an acknowledgment of gratitude for the opportunity he has to heal this rift.

--Up, with an expression of joy that his act of forgiveness can change both lives for the better.

--Up, with a lightness of heart from knowing that he will not need to bear the personal burden of a grudge.

I know that some injustices of the workplace, of human relationships, and of life itself, are too deep and too massive to even comprehend in a single moment like the moment captured here. Those may take years, or even a lifetime, to resolve for ourselves. And, we all know that some waited-for and well-deserved apologies never come.

But when we do have an opportunity to extend forgiveness, this statue suggests a good direction in which to cast our gaze. Not downwards in disapproval, not backwards in remembering past wrongs, and not around to see if our actions meet with other peoples’ approval and expectations. Like this father, we can simply look up--and do the better thing, thereby strengthening our own well-being, compassion, leadership ability, and collegiality in the process.

As Portia, the female protagonist of Shakespeare’s “The Merchant of Venice” observed:

“The quality of mercy is not strain'd.

It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath.

It is twice blest: It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.”